everything lovely & good

Last Sunday would have been my friend Carrie’s 34th birthday.  I felt emotional and sad and wanted desperately to just pull the covers up and hide for the entire day.  I didn’t know how to handle it.  My boss, an amazing woman suggested sending her a card; so I did.  It was a comedy of sorts though and I just have to wonder if Carrie was watching me from wherever she is giggling with and at me.   I purchased three balloons for her, one was a pretty mylar heart that said “You’re so Special”  the other a round mylar that said “Happy Birthday” and finally just a pretty purple one with stars all over.   I purchased a befitting card… well I guess befitting since Birthday Cards are traditionally for folks that are still living, on this earth you know… and not just in our hearts.   Anyways.  I knew I wanted to go to my favourite park in Springfield so I made the drive; snuck onto their little dock (it’s locked in the winter time) and lo and behold my darn balloons would not fly. I was devastated. Bummed.. by now sun was setting and I had really wanted to do it in the light, right before it got dark.  I got back into my car and decided I knew exactly where I could find a big balloon that would indeed get my card to her.

I pulled into the Ford dealership near my house, my heart was pounding like crazy.  I went to the service desk and asked the young, not-even-twentysomething if I could have a big balloon.  Her co-worker looked at me strangely and said she would go check.  When she left I kind of had a moment with the young girl (who later introduced herself as Jessica) and told her I was just trying to get a card to my friend who had passed away.  She welled up and told me her friends funeral was later that night; we commiserated while waiting for the other girl.  Then… POP… a balloon just burst and I kind of giggled.  Another loud POP and the co-worker stuck her head out, red faced and giggling.  Third time was a charm and she gifted me with a big, beautiful red balloon.   I thanked them profusely.

Oddly, or perhaps not so, my favourite “go-to” park was right behind the dealership and so I drove there, parked and walked to my favourite tree… you know the one I’m talking about, the one that holds all my secrets.  I said a few words and let the balloons go.  My heart was big, so big.  I miss her so much and I ache for her mother, father and brother as well.  I have so many questions, so many emotions… some not so pretty.  I know her passing is not something I will ever get over…

Anyways, I did take a photograph of the balloons flying away.  Then I did an edit and merged a piece of the words on the card onto the top of the photo.  I really like the way it came out… I feel like it truly expresses all of my feelings in that moment, on that day.

The saying holds a great reminder for all of us still lucky to be here on this earth.  Don’t let one moment pass, it is a blessing… enjoy each moment as if it is a little life.  So precious.